How to combat body insecurities and live your life on your own terms
Whether you’re sick of being prisoner to other peoples opinions or just plucking up the courage to wear something you’ve always wanted to, hopefully these words will give you something to think about.
Caring about what other people think of you and your body.
You are missing out on experiences, having memories ruined and not authentically expressing yourself because of your insecurities but why are you giving people that power?
If someone did decide to judge you on that one thing you were stressing over, that’s their business not yours. It also says much more about them than it does about you. You know that you don’t value people who judge on appearance anyway, so why are you giving them so much of your energy? People only judge on what they are insecure about themselves, so what you are insecure about could be totally different to their beliefs anyway.
Think about it, if someone did judge you by looking at your legs in that shorter skirt, why would it actually matter? Nothing bad would ever come of them thinking something, nothing would come of it at all actually. Therefore their possible opinion is in fact pointless and irrelevant to your life.
Also, most of our low self esteem in public is based off the opinion of strangers. And to that I would say two things; You’re never going to see them again and they will never even remember you. So if they think it, they can think it! You have the power to decide how much impact it has on you and how you live your life.
Fake it ’til you make it
I’m a firm believer in the concept of ‘fake it ’til you make it’ as I can say from experience that whatever you present, people will believe and think just that of you. So if you appear insecure, people will think you have something to be insecure about. But if you appear confident, people will think you have nothing to be insecure about.
The more you do this, the more you will actually start to believe it yourself as you’ll naturally keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as your new confident alter ego. Then you’ll start to realise that the person who is taking these actions is actually just you and you have unlimited potential.
Flaws are fabricated
You also need to understand that the ‘flaws’ people may be picking out about you have been created by a system and are not actually real. Cellulite, rolls, wrinkles, stretch marks. You name it, in another world it could be something that is actually celebrated.
Flaws = Money. Flaws have been created by consumerism. Large corporations have picked out naturally occurring features in women and advertised that they shouldn’t have them and that it is a problem if they do, then created a product that solves them. When in reality, there was never problem to begin with.
Flaws also exist due to our patriarchal society. As women, we are pitted against each other and told that if we’re not the most conventionally beautiful and flawless, we are not successful. It doesn’t matter what we do, there will always be a hierarchy of women that puts appearance on a pedestal. Men on the other hand? They can look however they want and just because they are men, their achievements are taken seriously and valued.
So, anyone that has anything to say about these apparent flaws of yours just show their ignorance and conformance to societal constructs. I don’t know about you but it sounds kinda lame of them to me!
Taking action to become more confident
When you start to do things for you and not to please other people it becomes 100 times more enjoyable and easy to do, trust me!
1. Work on yourself
- Learn how to do a new makeup technique and experiment to see what works best with your face and features
- Create a Pinterest board or instagram saved folder of fashion you think looks cool and you’d like to recreate (but make sure whatever you’re wearing you are physically comfortable in)
- Basically picture what you wish you could be and start turning up as them
2. Curate your social media feeds
This one is simple. Unfollow, mute, restrict and block every page that makes you feel insecure. Creating your own online reality is one of the most important steps you can take - even if you have heard it a million times.
3. Be healthy for you
Exercising and being mindful about what you put into your body can work wonders for body confidence for many reasons. It’s great for your mental health as it releases happy chemicals making us feel good about ourselves. It also makes you feel accomplished as you’re doing something for you. I think one of the biggest lies we have been told is that walking isn’t a ‘real’ form of exercise when it 100% is. My experience is that;
- You’re less likely to be motivated to go on a run than a walk
- Walking for a long period of time can actually burn more energy than running for 20 minutes
- Running can put you off exercise for good. Walking is a more sustainable form of exercise
- Running can be bad for your joints
I used to hate the thought of being healthy and felt it was impossible for me. But I realised that I wanted to be healthy for me and not just to achieve a certain ‘look’ to appeal to other people. The unfortunate link that society has made between health and appearance has got to be one of the most toxic and damaging ideologies of all time.
4. Push yourself out of your comfort zone
- Post a picture that you usually wouldn’t. You know one of the ones that didn’t make your favorites? This could be anything that you feel pushes you outside of what you’d usually post by; not using a filter, showing some cellulite or even posing in lingerie! And if you don’t want to post it all over the internet, send it to your friends, partner or crush: anythings better than nothing
- Face the public. I know this isn’t really the best time to do this as we’re in a pandemic - Aldi won’t know what’s hit it! But the same principles apply, go out in public in something that you usually wouldn’t. Don’t worry, It doesn’t have to be drastic. Small changes and pushes like this built up overtime can work miracles
So to conclude, all your insecurities and problems have an answer. The only person who is making them insecurities is YOU! You can choose whether you feel insecure or not, it is not just something you’re born with. Learning to stop caring what others think is possible and you need to start believing it, it’ll be the best thing you’ll ever do!
AN EPIC WRITING BY HOLLY MARSTON, such a Curvy Kate Babe!Thank you!